I apologize that the blog has taken a back seat. But my first year of teaching has begun. Let's just say "teacher" has encompassed my entire life, which I aim to balance a bit more.
This week was the first of the school year, after two weeks of New teacher training and then district wide training. These past three weeks have been some of the most difficult of my life, but I can say that my God has once again proved ever faithful.
Y'all can I just say that I am so weak. I have no strength of my own at this point in life. Yes, I am only in my mid-twenties but after this week I see how utterly I depend upon my Savior.
On the Friday of the first week of teacher training, I hobbled home with the familiar pain of a kidney stone. Within 5 hours of trying to just suck it up, I end up going to the ER. I quickly returned to the place of child crying for her Father's comfort and mercy. When the doctor walked into the room, all of a sudden the pain disappeared. Suddenly and surprisingly. So they gave me some IV and a small dose of ibuprofen. And I went home. I assumed the stone had passed in that moment, and I was so relieved!
If you are not familiar with kidney stones, they are said to be the worst pain you can go through even worse than child-birth. When the pain gets to the severe point, it always astounds me how much I just want to be held by God. I cry to just feel one breath, one touch of His. I just want to know that He is near to me, that He hasn't left me.
The next day I went to work to try and finish up my room. I had to go because I was running out of time to finish it all. Somehow, God helped me to get alot done.
Fast forward to the next Thursday. It's the middle of the night and I wake up with the familiar pain again. This time I needed to go the ER quickly. We got a CT scan, and sure enough the stone was still there. I cried because I needed to go to work the next day for Meet the Teacher night. I asked God why he would allow this to all happen right now. Right now, the first few weeks of school, the first time I was supposed to meet all my students and their families. Why God?
Well, I made it to Meet the Teacher with alot of help from my other 4th grade team teachers (They are amazing!) and I made it through the whole 2 hours.
As I look back at these past three weeks, I realize how small and dependent I am. God gave me the strength to do what I did. I can honestly tell you that this little girl with a very low pain tolerance (I think that's changing) would never have ever thought she could do what she did.
Just like the last episode of kidney stones, God's Word was my greatest comfort. I put on my dad's Audio Bible and picked Isaiah. All of a sudden I heard my name called,
"O afflicted one, storm-tossed and not comforted, behold, I will set your stones in antimony, and lay your foundations with sapphires. I will make your pinnacles of agate, your gates of crystal, and all your wall of precious stones. All your children shall be taught by the Lord, and great shall be the peace of your children."
I felt Him say this words to my spirit. He was saying this directly to me. I looked to see where it was in the Bible. It was Isaiah 54. A chapter that is a very special one to me. In that moment, I took hold of the promise for me and all the children I will teach. Also, I laughed a bit because He is going to take my silly stones and set them in antimony ;)
Remember my "Why God?" question? Well He answered me. This is the season where I truly become less, that He may become greater (John 3:30). This is the season where I see His strength shine through. It is the season I come to truly understand "For I, the Lord your God, hold your right hand; it is I who say to you, "Fear not, I am the one who helps."
He is the Great Helper. The Faithful Upholder. The Sure Foundation. The Peace Maker. The Holy One.
Are you going through a season where you are just trying to keep your head above the water? Is it just a day to day living where you don't even want to think about the next day? God has more for you. Survival mode is not life.
Isaiah 41 is for you. When you think you can't go on one more day. When you think there is nothing left to live for. When you think that all hope is lost. Remember, the sun will rise tomorrow, and so will you. When we are at our end, God is at His beginning. Take faith my friend, God is with you. Call upon His name. He will answer.
"Then you shall call, and the Lord will answer; you shall cry, and he will say, 'Here I am." Isaiah 58:9
"There is none like God, who rides through the heavens to your help, through the skies in his majesty. Deut. 33:26
"You are my servant, I have chosen you and not cast you off"; fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand." Isaiah 41:10
This is a song that I have found so much comfort in. Listen to it, knowing that this is what God is saying over you. Seasons come and seasons go. God is faithful through them all.
Blessings sweet child of God.